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Toronto: The Greatest Hockey City In The World (NSFW)

01/06/15

Everything coming out of Toronto is fucking hilarious.  Where do you even begin?  We’ll go bottom to top I guess.  The fans are dumb enough to continually fill the building of absurdly expensive tickets when the team hasn’t won anything meaningful (mostly by default because, six teams) since the puck was a rock and sticks were ripped from the limbs of trees mid game.  The team itself is terrible, mostly because the management has long been a bunch of climate-denying anti-vaccer analytics-hating good ol’ boys whose singular goal seems to be to unwittingly identify and part with the largest contributors to success.

And the cherry on top of the shit sundae is the media that, instead of taking ownership or management to task, supports their moronic and dated view of evaluating talent and instead heaps criticism on the players.  They, apparently, see no problem with the strategy of “give Kessel a bunch of crap to play with and hope it pans out.”

Former Leafs coach Ron Wilson, apparently still bitter about not being able to stupid his way to the top by having the right friends, called Phil Kessel “the problem” and “uncoachable” which makes sense because Kessel led the Leafs in points and goals every year during Wilson’s tenure and the next best players were generally “the dudes who played with Phil Kessel.”  I’m sure Jay Rosehill and Mike Brown were super coachable though.

Toronto Media idiot of the week Dave Feschuk (note: this is the only time it hasn’t been Steve Simmons) asked Phil if he was indeed uncoachable.  Kessel, in top form, said no and called Feschuk an idiot, which is exactly what you should call an idiot.  Media members, of course, think Dave Feschuk was asking the kind of top journalistic question that makes women swoon and old white men mega-swoon.

Matt Galloway

\Robert Benzie

Yes because “are you uncoachable” needed to be asked of the team’s top producer, a player that is notably third all time in consecutive games played for the Maple Leafs.  That question only needed to be asked by Dave Feschuk for the sole purpose of getting Kessel to make a scene, which is the kind of sideshow buffoonery journalists usually claim is beneath them.  Of course guys like Feschuk (and Mike Harrington) know you can make a career of this.

The best part of all this will be when Toronto Media, who’ve spent most of their time excoriating Kessel, complain when the team deals him and gets little or nothing back because his reputation is so shitty or because he chooses to give the team one long last middle finger by walking in free agency.  I for one hope Kessel gets traded to a contender mid-season and wins the cup while the Maple Leafs continue hiding in the stone age, terrified of math.

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