Henrik Lundqvist Forfeits Winning A Stanley Cup
Earlier today in New York City, goaltender Henrik Lundqvist decided to hang up his chances to compete for a Stanley Cup. “Carefully orchestrated roster moves and a well managed cap just aren’t my thing,” the attractive goalie said to the press. “I’m all about the entertainment. I’d rather see a team blow its cap space like an eight year old who found a twenty on the floor of a candy shop.” It’s reported that Rangers General Manager Glen Sather simply left a dump truck parked overnight at Lundqvist’s New York City home. “By morning most of the money was gone, but he’s got a cool dump truck,” Sather said.
Rangers fans seem thrilled by the move. “Eight point five million for a 38 year old goalie? That’s New York Rangers Hockey!” said one street meat vendor who boasted of inventing The King. It’s nothing more than a fine looking tube of sausage, he just stops selling it in mid-April. Another regaled us with a long list of successful New York Rangers signings. “Chris Drury did wonders for this city and for my establishment in particular,” said the bar owner. “Here, have a blueshirt. It’s an ugly drink that I only sell a lot of because there are so many friggin’ people in this city, but if you ask around, no one really cares about it.”
Here at BBG, we would like to congratulate the Rangers and their fans on a job well done, and welcome them to our Stanley Cup watching parties for the next eight years. It’s always nice to share with fans that have no stake in the outcome.