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Breaking: Player Traded From City To Better City (NSFW)

04/01/13

Early Monday evening a player was traded from one team to another team in another city.  Twitter handily agreed that the player’s new city is much better than his old city, and that he must be thrilled for the move.  When asked for comment, the player said, “you know at first I completely disagreed, but then my agent told me that we’re not allowed to have our own opinions on what we want in a home, and here we are.”

When asked for their take, a few residents of the player’s former city had this to say: “we completely agree with the Twitter group-think.  It’s not just a cheap play for the soul crushing absence of laughter, our city really has no redeeming qualities for any type of person.”  Residents of the player’s new city could not be reached for comment, probably because they were lounging on a beach somewhere, or enjoying the better nightlife.

“My kids are really going to love the club scene in my new city,” the player said.  “It seems crazy, but after reading what fans had to say, I’m convinced a place renowned for its fame whores and coke addicts is perfect for my family.”

We tried to reach out to some prominent tweeters for further comment, but all we got back was “I write hockey smart” from an anonymous Puck Daddy account.

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