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Sabres Reward Grigorenko, Get Him the Hell Off this Team


The Buffalo Sabres have sent Mikhail Grigorenko down to the Quebec Remparts, seen as many as an homage to his hard work and determination.

“Grigo didn’t belong on this team,” some guy who claims to be Ron Rolston told BBG staff near a dumpster outside First Niagara Center about ten minutes ago, “He wanted to learn. Wanted to work. Wanted to actually do something with his life, dammit. We needed to reward that with something, for crying out loud.”

Pictured: one lucky bastard

Several Sabres teammates were rather distraught at the idea that they were still in the NHL at this point. However, not everyone can be rewarded when a team is this bad.

“I know it stinks,” Sabres captain Jason Pominville sighed while spitting on the logo, “We work hard, we battle hard, and at the end of the day we’re still here in Buffalo. I keep hoping they could trade me or maybe even waive me. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? I get picked up? I make it through waivers and get to play in Rochester? Sign me up.”

“Why does he get off?” forward Drew Stafford was not so supportive, “I’ve still gotta put on these pads every night. It’s disgusting. Kid should have to pay his dues and play up here, in this slop. I’ve been not busting my ass all year in order to get away from this hellhole.”

The fact is that this Sabres organization needs to finish out this season, and they can’t do that if every player that wanted to get sent down got their wish.

“We legally need to field a team to play every game this season,” Sabres GM Darcy Regier repeated himself for probably the fiftieth time today, “I wish I could waive everybody, I seriously do. But then I’d be putting pads on equipment managers to finish out this lousy toilet flush of a season, and most of them are older than me. I’m sure as hell not going out there. Have you seen it? It’s awful!”

BBG staff was able to catch up with Grigorenko as the 18 year old raced to his ride, ready to fly to a real hockey team where he might be able to play next to people who give half a shit.

“Of course I’m disappointed,” young Mikhail explained, “To see friends that I’ve made be forced to endure this agony. Now I’ve got to hear about how Tyler [Myers…or maybe Ennis] and Javoi [?] are here while I’m up there playing actual hockey. I mean…there’s a guilt that comes with it. But at the end of the day, this is definitely what’s right for me and best for my career.”

Mikhail looked somber for about half a second before a wide smile returned to his face and he grabbed his equipment bag with joy. Something that hasn’t happened in a good long while.

“It just feels good to be considered an actual hockey player again,” Grigorenko added before going somewhere better, “Instead of…well…the word Hindenburg comes to mind.”

No need to finish, Grigo. Godspeed.

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