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Vulgar Statistics: Power Rankings Week 7


Hello!  Wherever you may be, thanks for making these Power Rankings part of your day.  Great rankings for you today…

This will be fairly straight forward and there is no personal bias here. I rank the teams in each conference in five categories Points, Goals For per Game, Goals Against per Game, Power Play Percentage, and Penalty Kill Percentage and sum them. The team with the lowest summed ranking (closest to first) is the best team in either conference. As the season wears on points will be weighted more and more as they will grow to become the most true representation of each team’s talent level.

I think that for this week, I will go traditionalist and give you a little blurb on each team, which should be awesome because I’ve only watched one of them play more than two games.

Eastern Conference:

Pittsburgh – The Penguins get Sidney Crosby back, which is kind of good.  People think this will be a straight up addition, but that’s not the case.  Remember with his mountainous ice time comes less ice time for another forward.  He’ll help, but the Pens are still mortal.

Boston – I’m going to harp on this same point all year because I’m convinced I’m right.  What the Bruins lack is talent.  What the Bruins don’t lack is hustle and effort…which is why their successes have been more than the sum of their parts.  Get ready to see them in 5th-6th place once they start playing some tougher teams.

Philadelphia – Philly is kind of mind boggling this year.  I like Wayne Simmonds and Jakub Voracek and all, but I thought there was no way they’d be able to perform this well losing Carter and Richards.

Florida – What the h— is going on here?

Buffalo – What isn’t troubling is the Sabres’s early struggles as they battle both a bunch of new faces, and a bunch of injuries.  What is troubling is that their scoring has gone down.  Vanek, Pominville, Roy, Leino, Stafford, and Gerbe are all unhurt…

Toronto – That pathetic defensive effort is not sustainable, no matter how many minutes Jake Gardiner logs.

NYR – I fell asleep just typing those three letters.

New Jersey – It is simply mind boggling how talented Ilya Kovalchuk is and how little it matters.  I think the only team he would be a success on is Detroit, who has enough in the way of maturity to keep him in line.

Montreal – So the defense is a problem which we…wait, what?  They’re 3rd in the conference in goals allowed?  Hmm.

Washington – Back to the old ways for Washington?  Can score a lot…but not much else.

Winnipeg – It seems like both conferences have four teams at the bottom that are well below everyone else.  Unfortunately the Thrashers are one of them.  Sorry Winnipeg.  How bummed do they have to be that they didn’t get the relatively decent Coyotes?

Ottawa – Least talented team in the league.  Next.

Tampa Bay – People want to harp on the goaltending issue, which is a big one, but they’re not doing much of anything right.

Carolina – Second least talented team in the league.  How much more evident does it look that Eric Staal was made into a superstar by the post-lockout scoring binge?

NYI – I wish this team could be kind of good to give Philly and Pittsbugh more trouble in running away with the division.

Western Conference:

Vancouver – On one hand I’m not surprised to see Vancouver at the top…on the other I don’t think they’re that good.  A weak division will elevate them higher than they are this year.

Edmonton – You know…or not.  I kind of thought one of Edmonton/Colorado would be better than expected.  My money was on Edmonton, way too much young talent there.

San Jose – With Vancouver being merely good, and Detroit getting old, and Chicago lacking the depth that won them the cup, this might finally be the Sharks’ year.

Detroit – I feel like this will be an up and down year for Detroit.  Winning streaks, losing streaks, and ultimately no division title.

Minnesota – I don’t get it.

Los Angeles – Does anyone do less with more than the Kings?  I feel like they’ve been one of the three most talented teams in the West for a few years and they constantly underachieve.

Phoenix – No way in hell you’re making the playoffs.  Mike Smith and Jason Labarbera in net is not sustainable.

Chicago – The hawks are a model of what the Stanley Cup does to you if you’re not Detroit.  The top half of that roster is still loaded with talent.  The bottom half is still stunningly below average.

Nashville – You’re not making the playoffs either.

Dallas – I am running out of teams that are not making the playoffs.  To be fair I called their good performance a little bit in my first power rankings, then went back on them in my official predictions.  Oops.

St. Louis – You are making the playoffs.  But that power play…good lord.

Colorado – It was nice while it lasted.

Anaheim – Not being able to score, and not being able to stop goals is a pretty good recipe for disaster…as the Ducks have found.

Calgary – Woo third least talented team in the league!

Columbus – Too many AHL players.

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