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Vulgar Opinons: I Hate Bandwagon Fans (NSFW)

09/19/11
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The only reason this sentence is here is to have some space before the “Read More” button because the first word is likely going to be a profanity.  As always, me, me, me.  This is all me.  Address your hate comments accordingly.

God fucking damnit, I hate bandwagon fans.  You pick a team and you stick with it.  You don’t get to jump ship when the going gets rough and you sure as hell don’t get to stick your hands in several different barrels and root for multiple teams with even a hint of equality.

I used to be worse.  I used to sneer at fans that rooted for teams that they had no personal connection to.  But I realize that most of us get into sports as kids and there are a variety of things that appeal to us then.  (And everyone has to start somewhere.)  So if you’re a Sabres fan and you live in Acapulco with no connection to Buffalo, fine, I can live with that.  I think living in a non-pro city affords you some leeway to be a fan free agent.  (But make no mistake if you’re a Devils, Red Wings, Penguins, Canadiens, Maple Leafs, Cowboys, Steelers, Patriots, Colts, Yankees, or Red Sox fan and have no connection to any of those cities or teams other than “they were awesome when you were a kid,” then fuck you with all the fucking fucks in the world.  You.  Suck.)

I think it’s an inherent human trait that we like to see hard work and sacrifice getting rewarded with little to no freebies and handouts, and this is certainly true in sports.  Since we’re not members of the team in any official sense, that hard work and sacrifice comes from watching at least a few crappy/non-championship years before success is found.  I had a girl on my facebook feed talking about her Steelers and her Patriots and I thought, you’re the worst fucking fan in the world.  Seriously, I feel as good about you as I do pulling up to the urinal next to Ben Roethlisberger in a locked bathroom.

Spray and pray fandom weirds me out too, even if the teams are terrible.  “I like the Kansas City Chiefs, and the Baltimore Orioles, and the Vancouver Canucks.”  (Actual example from my facebook.)  To put it as simply as possible:

At the end of the day watching sports is about sharing something special with like-minded individuals around you.  If you can achieve a certain passion for your team, those moments can be something truly unique and special, and give you memories that last a lifetime.  If you’re a passionless bandwagoner or a sports bigamist, then you miss out on those moments in favor of something cheap, and I truly feel sorry for you.

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