NHL’s Most Punchable Faces, Part 2
Have you ever heard of Days of Y’Orr, Sabres fans? It seems like their stable of bloggers is hated around these parts almost as much as Brett Hull’s left foot. Me, I think they’re hilarious so last week I came up with the idea for us to draft teams of the six most punchable faces in the NHL with one caveat – their last pick had to be a Sabre and mine had to be a Bruin. So off we went, Alex and I, to pick the faces we want to bury our fists in the most.
How’d we grade them? The Scott Nichol Sucker Punch index!
The more Scott Nichols, the more that punk needs a punch in the mush.
Part one was published yesterday by the DOY crew, so check that out before moving onward. Done? Good! Get to raging after the jump.
1. Pascal LeClaire, Ottawa Senators
When I entered “Pascal LeClaire”, I got some interesting results…
Definitely punchable, but not LeClaire. Moving on…
What the hell? Mike Ricci, go away. Moving on…
Ya know what, Leclaire looks familiar but I can’t quite put my finger on it…
OH! So that’s who played Ephialtes in 300! It all makes sense now. No wonder King Leonidas was such a dick to Ephialtes – he thought he was dealing with LeClaire’s gnarly mug the entire time.
2. Evgeni Malkin
Apparently Alex and I aren’t the only ones who think Malkin needs a good punching as I pulled up both of these in my searches…
The resemblance is there but looking like a Jonas brother only makes him mildly punchable
Looking like Rocky Balboa definitely makes him more punchable (what is it about Philly and being punchable? Amirite, Flyers??).
These comparison shots of Malkin distract from what he really looks like. That smug look on his face, yuppie hairdo, and vacant stare…it’s like some 80’s teen movie had its douchebag villain teleported into reality. You know what happens to those douchebag villains? They usually get punched right in the face.
If you listen closely, you can hear him yell “Sweep the leg!” and “Duh! McFly!”
3. Patrick Kane
Time to break out the checklist, kids…
Hot Chick With Douche Bags-style party photo?
Check, right down to the bling.
Pretentious-faced mug shot?
You too can own this look of satisfaction by assaulting a cabbie over two dimes!
Hockey mullet 20 years too late? (Teppo Numminen and Ryan Smyth are given a pass on that)
Steps and serious hillbilly sideburns? What is going on there? Holy f$%k.
I guess you could say…that Kane’s douchiness…washed away his clean image.
4. Tyler Kennedy
See this face? It needs to get punched.
She punched it.
This baby punched it.
The local weatherman punched it (and Kris Letang’s too, for good measure).
This stick gave it splinters, then told the police later where the bad man touched it.
Mike Comrie didn’t, but that’s because Kennedy wouldn’t take a punch like a man and slapped Comrie’s fists away like a nancy-boy (even if Comrie is a pint-sized man).
5. Maxim Lapierre
OH GODDAMMIT /punchpunchpunchpunch MOVING ON, JESUS CHRIST
6. Nathan Horton
What is it about Nathan Horton that makes him so goddamned punchable? It’s gotta be the many resemblances…
Michael Jackson – AHHHH
OH! One last thing…