Skip to content

Sabre Superlatives

04/17/14
by

Here at Black and Blue and Gold we don’t believe in looking backwards, we believe in looking ahead.  I just made that up, but it sounds pretty good.  Thus we will not be handing out season awards, we will be looking into the future to see what this team might be, and also probably ridiculing everything.  What are you, new here?

Most Germane (This Means ‘German-ness’) German: Christian Ehrhoff

Curse your perfect hair.

Curse your perfect hair.

Most likely to Succeed: Tim Murray

No matter where he appears, Tim Murray always has a look on his face and a tone in his voice that someone told him they were taking him to Disneyland and he ended up in front of a podium.

2636445

He adjusted to a declining market value for players like Moulson and Ott, something win-trade-or-go-home Darcy never would have done.  He made the team worse, but he made the future at least promising, if not better.

Most likely to Fail: The Buffalo News

The news seems content to cling to Vogl’s relative decency and the odd piece from Jerry Sullivan that doesn’t sound like it was written by an old racist grandpa.  Until (most of) the writers can get over themselves and stop bitching about the changing face of media and focus on producing quality content, the News is just going to look dumber and more out of touch.

I bet it cost $40,000 and took 11 freelancers to come up with that.

I bet it cost $40,000 and took 11 freelancers to come up with that.

Most likely to Dick Around For Years and Infuriate All of Us: Tyler Myers.

It seems to me that when told to be what he thinks he is, that is a rangy defensemen with great physical tools, an excellent shot in close that can recover fairly well and has the reach to not get consistently burned chasing, Tyler Myers is actually a pretty good player.  That said, there will likely always be issues and its tough to see his contract becoming anything beyond “I can live with it.”

Best Nickname: The Latvian Locomotive

Which we’re really not using enough.

Quote of the Year: Literally everything that has come out of Tim Murray’s mouth.

Unquote of the Year: Literally everything that has come out of Ted Nolan’s mouth.

2636484

Bets Fan Infatuation: Brian Flynn.

I mean, come on.

Worst Fan Infatuation: Ted Nolan

I mean…come on

Most Likely to have his Mistakes Forgotten Because of his Compete Level: Mike Weber

It’s already happening, mostly because no one can stop jerking off about a Leino buyout long enough to remember how bad this guy really is.  And Jamie McBain is there to take up the mantle of Guy Who Doesn’t Hit Things So He Must Be the Worst At Everything Ever.

Most Likely to have his Mistakes Magnified Because of his Compete Level: Mikhail Grigorenko

Who was responsible for this?!  WAS IT YOU MIKHAIL?!?!?!

Who was responsible for this?! WAS IT YOU MIKHAIL?!?!?!

Best Twitter Account: @BlackBlueGold

Worst Twitter Account: Anything with “TBN” anywhere near it.  Except for John Vogl, which is super ironic.

And unintentional irony is probably the only literary device the News is capable of using.  Unless calling someone retarded is now a literary device.  (It isn’t.)

Best Birthday Present: Ron Rolston fired.

My birthday is November 12th, Rolston was fired on November 13th.  Coincidence?

Dumbest Moment: Tie, Mike Harrington claiming he didn’t know that ‘tard’ meant retarded and Jeremy White proudly stating that the GM position doesn’t matter and then ardently defending it on Twitter.

I am curious, what Mike Harrington thought “tard’ meant since he clearly used it as an insult.  Like many of his idiotic, self-serving questions, I suspect answers will not be coming anytime soon.  I still don’t think Jeremy White 100% believes what he’s saying, I think he’s just generating listenership in the only way the radio hosts in this city know how.  And so continues the insufferable cycle of making whiner line level points, getting whiner line level commentary, and then making whiner line level counterpoints.

Most Baffling Sabre Fan Trend: Rooting for SU

Trust me, that city is going to rejoice the second the Bills leave.  You’re all turncoats, unless I like you, then you’re cool.

Worst Potential Captain Choice: Mike Weber

Who will be a captain like Joe Hazelwood was a captain.  Do you know what happens when Joe Hazelwood is your captain?  Your enormous oil tanker crashes and spews filth everywhere.  But that’s not even the worst part.  The worst part is when a bald one-eyed Dennis Hopper reveres you like a god and Kevin Costnerfish tries to kill you.  Nobody wants that.  (I want that a little.)

Worst Fan Trend: Compete Level

Best Fan Trend: Ignoring the fact that this season blew and having fun with it anyway.

I’m out.

Grand Ol Osprey

No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 864 other followers

%d bloggers like this: