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Everyone Is Lucky Lucic Doesn’t Want to Hurt Us Right Now

12/20/13
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Take a moment and be thankful. If Milan Lucic wanted to hurt you, you’d be wrecked. Like, legit.

milan-lucic

All praise to our benevolent Destructor.

Seriously. There was this guy once, and Lucic wanted to crush him, and he did. And the guy didn’t get up. And the only thing standing between your or I and complete annihilation is the fact that we are but ants that he does not concern himself with crushing the life out of at this time.

HockeyFights.com has a 110% win ratio for every fight Lucic has ever opted out of, for he spared his pathetic opponent. And if you watch the fights he “loses”, you can see plain as day the decision he makes to provide the poor soul an overly sporting advantage, dangle hope in front of them, and let them live another day. His methods remain a mystery to us, but it is not ours to know.

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You are like the buzzing of flies to him.

Gumption is nothing compared to the power of a power forward who boxes.

We need not know anything about whoever challenged him. It is of no consequence.

Lucic once fighting back and guy didn’t fighting could BeDead.

Haha mortal, you believe this has anything to do with what Ott “really wants”? His desires are infinitesimal and meaningless.

Looch’s one hit kill combo is tricky, because he has to hit half circle forward > HP + HK > back + block. But he can nail it 9 times out of 12.

Let’s not forget the ultimate example, straight from the horse’s jowls:


I know for a fact that if Milan had intended on hitting [Miller], he would have never got up…We all know how hard he hits. It speaks for itself.” You hear that? For a FACT.

Fact – the character of Tallahassee from Zombieland is based on how Lucic will thrive in the zombie apocalypse.
Pictured: Miller getting 15% power.

Take a moment and be thankful. Next time you aren’t obliterated out of nowhere, you know who to praise and thank.

“Do you know who I am?” was recently discovered on ancient tablets near Pompeii.

I’d imagine from a Bruins fan’s perspective, it’s a bit frustrating that Lucic does not use his godly powers to prevent his team from losing to the last place Sabres. He must not have wanted it. Gods are a fickle bunch, that’s for sure.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. 12/20/13 3:45 PM

    Oh, didn’t you know? “Lucic tricked Mike Weber into dropping his gloves, and the Bruins earned a late first-period power play”.

    http://www.boston.com/sports/hockey/bruins/2013/12/19/miller-makes-saves-sabres-win-over-bruins/99cFOPwfmuXQD65iul43RK/story.html

    He’s only out there for two reasons: to trick, and hurt.

    • Dan permalink*
      12/23/13 9:54 AM

      Truly a mastermind. He knows the game on a whole other level.

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