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Vulgar Opinions: Joe Thornton Says A NSFW Word, Hilarity Ensues

10/10/13

If you’re not a hockey fan (and if you are go here), forward Joe Thornton of the San Jose Sharks recently responded to criticism regarding Tomas Hertl’s fourth goal against the New York Rangers the other night.  Said the eloquent Thornton:

“I’d have my cock out if I scored four goals.  I’d have my cock out, stroking it.”

At which point all the journalists in the room, whose outlets are overruled by standards that treat us all like we’re eight years old, presumably looked at each other and wondered how to best bury the fact that this even happened.  Because if you’re media, you have all the words of all the languages available at your disposal…except for those because, oh no, can’t say that.

It’s especially absurd in this context because it isn’t some moronic racist writer opining on racial slurs, it’s a quote that exists pretty much in a vacuum and the “offending” word is slang for a body part and not a denigration of anyone or anything in particular.  That media members even thought about covering this up is preposterous and a testament, not only to their immaturity, but to the immaturity of society as a whole.  (Because you know they have standards because fucksticks call in to complain about harmless words all the time.)

But think of the children!

Of course that’s the prevailing thought behind all this, that we have to shield our children from the big people words until some indefinable point in the future past (let’s be real folks, they have the internet) when they learn them anyway.  And that’s why media outlets have standards, and why media members balk at dealing with things like this.  To paraphrase the great Louis CK on a separate issue, why do I have to suffer media dishonesty because you won’t talk to your shitty kid for five minutes.

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