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Vulgar Opinions: Eulogizing the 2013 Buffalo Sabres (NSFW)

04/20/13
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Good on the Sabres.  By the end of the night they had sucked so emphatically and so completely that even the most delusional of supporters were left shaking their heads going, “yep, this is what we are.”  Where do you even begin summing up this season?  Lindy Ruff got fired, the fans booed, Thomas Vanek was a superstar then not, Tyler Myers sucked, Jason Pominville left, and Ryan Miller might be done being a Buffalo Sabre.

I think the fans of the Buffalo Sabres, most of them anyway, ended up with the team they deserved.  At a certain point it seemed like people were rooting for them to fail, not for a draft pick or for any sort of long term planning, but just so their anger could be validated and they could justifiably hate a team that, for some reason, they can’t stop watching.  When you decide for forego giving your team any sort of home ice advantage for being a bunch of assholes just because you’re not getting something you think you deserve, you are a fundamentally broken fanbase.

Luckily we have a fundamentally broken team to match.

As infuriating as it is to watch Drew Stafford loaf his way through another shift like he weighs ten pounds, or Nathan Gerbe take another shot from two feet inside the blue line or Tyler Myers make me wonder if his jersey number is higher than his hockey IQ, I can’t in good conscience blame the players.  Management has spent a lot more time watching and dissecting these guys than we have and they’re the ones that saw fit to throw them together on the ice.  Even if they’re a bunch of sad lazy bums (which I don’t at all believe), there are a bunch of asshats at the top that thought it was a good idea to pay them.

Does Darcy Regier suck at his job?  I don’t know.  I do have a better question though: Is Darcy Regier capable of doing his job well?

Throughout the Golisano years, the organization mired in an enforced systemic mediocrity.  They couldn’t be terrible because that hurt the bottom line, but they couldn’t be great either because that just cost too much.  I get the feeling that every member of the organization, like many office peons in the real world, got pretty damn good at doing just well enough at their job to not get fired.

Tom Golisano doesn’t own the team anymore.  While that’s obvious to most of us, it still feels like too many people within the organization have yet to realize that “good enough” isn’t good enough anymore.

The crowd is shit, the fans are assholes, the media perpetuates a negative attitude, you know, when it isn’t perpetuating a dumb one, the News asks the most self-serving questions, the team isn’t very good at taking criticism, the PR staff got outdone by its minor league affiliate, the arena DJ is an idiot, the music sucks, the arena looks and feels like a fucking bank, the food is crap, the TV deal is terrible, the Twitter account is a cool kid wannabe, and the new HD video board is still underwhelming.

NOTHING ABOUT THIS FAN EXPERIENCE IS ANY GOOD!  (But we have beer shelves for the urinals and warm water in the bathrooms now.  That’s how fucking awful we are, we get excited about basic amenities that a monkey with a power drill could have given us.)  You know, unless you like watching a Human Centipede style disaster unfold.  Which I do.  But good lord, if you’re interested in fixing these problems, where the hell do you go?

If you want to be the best at everything and Hockey Heaven and all that crap, you better be prepared to let some heads roll on your way there.  I don’t mean the on ice product either.  That’s the easy part.  Jason Pominville and Lindy Ruff are just cogs in a machine and…oh look, there they go.  And I know, the on ice product is the majority of this operation, and like any infant child, they damn well better prove their awesomeness to earn our love.  Oh right, no that’s moronic.  If your interest is in winning a cup, do you want the team to have the job of lifting the fans, or do you want the fans to lift the team?  One makes your team better, one makes it worse, and if you want to challenge me on this go right ahead, I’ll see you when the season’s over with so much data, you’ll think Microsoft Excel birthed a child on you.

This is not major league baseball.  Terry Pegula’s money only goes so far and while scouting is a great investment, that is only one slice of the pie that is the Buffalo Sabres.  Take a long hard look at each and every single member of the organization and ask yourself, is this person elite, or are they just okay?  All those non-hockey aspects of the team…they don’t have to suck while the team rebuilds.  Hell, given the amount of youth that is going to be coming in, I’d argue that it’s crucial that they don’t suck.

The Pegula-era Sabres are like a rescued dog and the reaction so far has been “fuck you, prove your worth.”  Know what Sabres fans?  Fuck you, same challenge.

 

17 Comments leave one →
  1. 04/20/13 8:46 AM

    We don’t have to prove our worth. We’ve been doing that for years by supporting this infuriating team season after season. Tired of inferior product.

  2. 04/20/13 9:00 AM

    a waiting list for season tickets, millions of dollars in team products and you say fuck you fans? you blow into town talking about the stanley cup then miss the playoffs 2 yrs in a row-yep-put up or shut up time. btw-season tics since 1970 so I’d say we have a little investment in that product

  3. Dan permalink*
    04/20/13 9:58 AM

    Yargle bargle paid good money, deserve to act like pissants.

    • Mike permalink
      04/20/13 11:46 AM

      Act like pissants? For what booing? Get fucking real. This is entertainment and if they’re not “entertaining” us we have a right to boo. If it hurts their feelings then get some players with a backbone. Here is my tale on athletes coming to buffalo, they get here… Bust their ass for a while… Then realize weather win or lose the stands will be packed and that our fans love the team… Go soft and comfortable….get upset when we the fans (who happen to pay their salaries indirectly) boo!

      Get real with the “Fuck you fans” and the “pissant” comments

      • Dan permalink*
        04/20/13 1:31 PM

        You have a right to do whatever you want, as an adult in a free land. BBG has never challenged that right, and only challenged what good it does.
        A.) “I paid my money” for a team that had a 0.3% chance to make the playoffs as late as the puck drop last night. They’ve been monumentally terrible all season. If you are angry because you paid the money and are just now realizing they’re bad, you’re a sucker.
        B.) “It’s effective. it sends a message.” Sure. They let in 2 quick goals, the fans booed them halfway to hell, and its sent a message alright. Whoops, it’s 0-6. That booing really got the players motivated to play better.
        C.) “Because I have the right.” Yep. You do. Congrats.

        If your stance is yadda yadda we pay their salaries, blah blah we pack the stands then just don’t go. Spent 1/10th of the money and watch it at a bar, where the parking is free and the beer isn’t $9 a cup, and hate on them from a distance. Or go, boo your head off, and be branded a pissant. Then get mad about it.

        You have every right in the world.

  4. 04/20/13 12:12 PM

    You prove your worth by being a good fan. Constantly bitching about how you don’t get good value for your money and then going anyway isn’t proving your worth, it’s proving your stupidity. Or perhaps your insanity. Einstein and all that.

  5. 04/20/13 2:58 PM

    Agree with so much of this I’m going to take a moment to air dry hump over here. Hold on, I’ll be back in a minute. …

    That was delightful, thanks.

    Want to be a dick? Great. I’ll call you one. I’ll call myself one, too. Do it for no point if you want. Fine. It’s fun. It makes a feel better to rage a little bit. That’s why Al Gore and Tesla invented the Internet. So we can bitch and feel better.

    But don’t for a second pretend there’s any point to booing other than making you feel better and swim in the warm embrace of your own selfishness. If it has any impact on the team, any such impact is negative – bad play, bad recruitment, bad fan experience for others who don’t want endless negativity – and, whatever I don’t really care so long as you don’t for a second pretend that you’re not simply prioritizing you own selfish need to stomp your feet and vocalize the most fucking obvious: that the team isn’t great, is playing like DogShit, that you value your money, that you aren’t going to stand for it. Except the first two things are true and apparent, and the second two things are true but contradicted by you showing up to see a shitty team in te first place.

    So get your head right. Decide what you really want and have the decency to be honest when if you decide to be a vicious dickcheese.

  6. JMS permalink
    04/21/13 8:18 AM

    The FNC food does not suck. Your incessant use of commas, however, does. I would like to challenge you on the benefits of home ice advantage. Check out how many home teams have won OT games in the last 5-10 years. Wipe THAT afterbirth out of your eyes. I don’t make Drew Stafford better. He and his coaches do.

  7. 04/21/13 2:30 PM

    (05-06) – .559
    (06-07) – .530
    (07-08) – .552
    (08-09) – .480
    (09-10) – .504
    (10-11) – .547
    (11-12) – .622
    (13-13) – .557
    TOTAL – .543

    Do you want a list of research papers and studies on the effect of crowd noise?

  8. 04/21/13 5:40 PM

    You seem to be under them impression that I’m saying crowd noise is the biggest aspect of home ice advantage. I’m not saying that all, I’m saying that it’s simply an aspect, but one that is still significant.

    I’ll give you “not suck” and I’ll change my wording two 4th best out of the five hockey arenas I’ve been to: Honda Center, ShoWare Center, Blue Cross Arena, Cheel Arena.

    • 04/21/13 6:42 PM

      Having gone to both multiple times, I’ll easily say that Verizon Center is a better experience than FNC. Better atmosphere, and those damn Caps fans emitted positivity. I guess that’s because they’re naive southerners who don’t know what hockey is and don’t know how to properly eviscerate a team for a bad power play. Ignorance must be bliss.

  9. Grady permalink
    12/28/13 3:25 PM

    Holy shit you’re fucking mad bro. Saying fuck and shit all the fucking time doesn’t make your point come through any stronger, just makes you look really fucking angry. Probably from watching the sabres and being paid to write a ducking article defending them is be pissed too

  10. Jomamapiff permalink
    02/07/14 1:00 AM

    Sippin lets go

  11. Jomamapiff permalink
    02/07/14 1:01 AM

    HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA this article is even more relevant in 2014, 15 wins in February!

Trackbacks

  1. Spectors Hockey | NHL Blog Beat – Sunday, April 21, 2013.
  2. Darcy Regier Retains His Role | GET REAL HOCKEY

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