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BREAKING – The Booing Helped A Ton

04/19/13
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The Buffalo Sabres played 18 solid minutes of hockey, but then Ryan Miller let in two quick goals because he was busy thinking about how much money he makes. That kind of thing sure is distracting, and the blue collar, lunch pail toting, iron-working crowd of 18,000 heroes deserved better. So, with the Sabres’ playoff hopes on the line, and with their team in a 0-2 hole, they pulled up their bootstraps and did their civic duty.

“I honestly didn’t know anything was wrong,” Miller told BBG staff after the first period, “But then they starting booing and I was like ‘Ah…gotcha!’ I knew it had to do something with those two goals.”

Unfortunately, that epiphany struck just as a Rangers’ dump-in touched his stick, and it caused a painful third goal. And just like that, Miller stumbled and fell across the line from “holding our playoff hearts” to “over-entitled bastard making six million dollars plus while the rest of us have to turn tricks on the side just to buy scalped tickets to this frickin game”.

“Yeah, that’s a tough one because I realized what the crowd was upset about just as I went to play the puck. They gave me some cheers and I didn’t know what that meant, and it went in,” Miller explained, “Which sucks because there are better times to realize that they all think I’m a piece of [expletive] who makes more in a week than they ever will in a lifetime. It would really help if I could think about that before the game even starts. But I figured if Ron put Jhonas in, it would solve everything.”

And solve everything it did. The Sabres came out re-energized from the hatred that rained down on them and came back to victory. Not only did they completely erase the three goal deficit, but they ended up beating the Rangers so soundly that the league has awarded an unprecedented 4 point swing to them, actually taking points away from the Rangers, and vaulting the Sabres into a great look at a playoff shot.

“What can I say, I was absolutely wrong,” local folk hero Steve Ott laughed in relief, “The fans letting us know how bad we are was absolutely the kick in the pants we needed! If they didn’t help dig that hole, we never would’ve realized Miller is an over-rated and average ‘tender, we never would’ve fallen down that third goal, and we wouldn’t be in the situation we are right now.

But the jeering, more than the booing…that was the icing on the cake.”

“I’ll say one thing,” coach Ron Rolston proclaimed, “We’ve had phone calls pouring in from around the league. I can’t name names, but there are superstars who are just begging to come and play for this fan base. And tonight’s motivational deluge of absolute vitriol is the reason why.”

Indeed, skeptics of the effectiveness of booing your own team were shut up entirely. The crowd gave up on this team, and the team never looked so motivated, so energized, and never fought so hard. It was a night for the history books.

Good on you, Buffalo, for proving that home ice advantage is absolutely meaningless. You are better fans than this team, or this blog, deserve. Godspeed.

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