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Vulgar Opinions: My Eight

04/01/13

Since it was mentioned that Jason Pominville was asked to provide a list of eight teams he didn’t want to be traded to, Twitter users are throwing out their eight.  I think this makes a fun, cheap, easy article…so here we are.  My eight:

Calgary - They top the list.  Not only are they miles away from contending, but their GM has proven over and over that he has no idea what he’s doing.  They traded their best player to Pittsburgh and now their best player is…I have no idea.  Miikka Kiprusoff is quickly aging and there doesn’t seem to be anyone in the system to replace him.  They are probably the biggest mess in the NHL right now.

Why I Wouldn’t Pick Columbus – While they might be as big of a mess as Calgary right now in terms of their roster, and also lack premier talent, they have some secondary pieces I really like (Artem Anisimov, Brandon Dubinsky), and a new GM coming in to help right the ship.  Plus bidding farewell to Detroit makes their future brighter by default.

New York Rangers – I don’t think they’re capable of winning a cup with this management the way they try to build that roster.  It’s fun acquiring premiere players every offseason, but the NHL has proven by and large that shortcuts don’t work.  They need to grow their system and commit to stocking their roster with dangerous second tier players so they don’t become a team of one line.

Why I Wouldn’t Pick the Islanders – It’s a little disturbing how criminally underpaid some of their players are (Matt Moulson…), but those contracts allow them to build a solid team.  I’m not sure if the people making decisions are smart enough to build a contender, but the sheer amount of bargain talent on the roster might get them there anyway.

New Jersey – Their goalies’ combined age is 79.  Patrik Elias cannot possibly drink from the fountain of youth for much longer.  They’re still clinging to a bunch of really good roster moves they made a long time ago.  The bottom will fall out eventually.

Ottawa – Their aging top line frightens me, as do their nonsensical roster moves the past two seasons.  Somehow in spite of those they’ve continued to get better.  Big question though, what happens when Craig Anderson becomes Craig Anderson again?

Florida – Complete disaster of a roster.  The underdog/castoff storyline was fun for a while last year, but they’re a mess.  Not even rising star Jonathan Huberdeau makes me want to chance going to Florida.

Colorado – Refused to give O’Reilly a completely reasonable contract, before eventually being forced to give it to him anyway.  Has overpaid Stastny and underpaid Duchene.  There’s not enough consistency for me to want to play for them.

Dallas – They acquired a bunch of aging stars only to have to auction them off now that they didn’t make the team better.  Though they’re in the mix for a playoff spot this season, they look like a rapidly sinking ship.

Detroit – But why wouldn’t you want to play for a perennial winner?  Every player has to have at least one “f*ck those guys” team on their list, right?  This is mine.  From the creepy Amway sponsorship to the creepier fact that they’re one of a handful of teams that haven’t contributed to You Can Play.  (Hmm, are these things related?)  And this entry wouldn’t be complete if the guy from Buffalo, the east coast poster child for decaying cities turned up his nose at Detroit, America’s unarguable Worst Place Ever since the beginning of time.

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