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Trade Values AKA Second Rounders All Arounders

03/27/13
by

The NHL trade deadline is approaching swiftly. The Buffalo Sabres are currently sitting in nth place which means that they will make a glorious run and land somewhere in (n+x)th place where x is half the wins needed to make it in to the playoffs. Around this time of year, for the better part of two decades or so, fans of the Buffalo Sabres embark upon one of our most beloved traditions. Playing the “HOW MUCH IS THIS GUY WORTH!?!?!?” game.

Let’s go one by one.

FORWARDS

The Sabres forwards can be described in many ways. Most of them involve swearing. The guys that actually show up every game have about as much stick handling ability and chance to hit the net as any idiot from the stands. But boy do they make up for that with gumption and grit and sandpaper and oh my god we don’t care. So it won’t be a surprise that this is where fans *want* them to make moves. Doesn’t mean they will.

Tyler Ennis – just inked a new contract, with a pretty reasonable cap hit. He puts a lot of biscuits in the basket, or whatever they’re saying ad nauseum on NBC these days, and he’s only 22 years old which means he’ll grow facial hair one of these days. The downside? He comes up to my chest. He gets hit from behind every other game and his teeth rattle off the glass and you see that Luke Skywalker mane of his go flippity flop and it’s just a matter of time until he misses half a season. That’ll bring the ol’ value down.
Trade value: 2nd round pick

Brian Flynn – upside is that he wasn’t drafted and he still shows up to games. He’s got 3 goals in a season where most people are still saying, “Wait…who the hell is that?” So he sneaks in under the radar. The bad news here is that he wasn’t drafted, which in the hockey world is like getting a bad test grade in the 6th grade placement exams. You get stuck in “Math I” while your asshat friends who tested better one day out of the year get a jump-start on Calculus and, lo and behold, they do better at it in college, and it’s all because you had a sniffle the night before and didn’t get enough sleep (yes, I’m still bitter).
Trade value: 2nd round pick

Marcus Foligno – oh man, what a beaut. He’s big, he hits, he fights, and he can score. Well…he used to be able to score. Now he’s regressing. He was a top 6 forward last year, and now he’s more of a checking line guy, so you’re gonna have to put some work into him. Like a car that needs a lot of engine work. It’s an investment is what I’m saying. Look, are we gonna stand and chat all day or are we gonna flip houses players?
Trade value: 2nd round pick

Nathan Gerbe – the little engine that could. You’ll get a ton of work out of him. Granted, he won’t add a whole lot of tangibles to your team, but he’ll definitely help you realize which players mail it in every night. Now, I won’t try to sell you on the bells and whistles here…you’d be paying top dollar for a guy that can’t buy a goal, but he sure as the dickens will make you shake your finger at the 6′ 3″ powerhouse that isn’t pulling his weight. And you can’t put a price on that. Well, you can, and it’s
Trade value: 2nd round pick

Jochen Hecht – old, busted, 3rd line wing that can take draws? Try veteran*, seasoned*, defensive* center* for only a $1 M cap hit. Gotta pay for depth*.
Trade value: 2nd round pick, easily

Cody Hodgson – this is our top line* center here. No way can we let him go for just a pick. We’re gonna need a warm body and a high pick, though we’ll have to even it out a bit. I know how business works.
Trade value: him and a 3rd round pick for a prospect and a 1st round pick…which equates to a glorified 2nd round pick

Patrick Kaleta – on the good side, he’ll block shots, he’ll hit people, and he’ll run into traffic if the coach told him to. Seriously, don’t use sarcasm around him. Down side? He’s one twitch away from being banned for life and the entire league hates him.
Trade value: straight up trade for Kevin Marshall, who is terrible and was, wait for it…a 2nd round pick

Ville Leino – is an artiste. Some players look for a lot of goals, but Leino looks to score the goals that are going to move you. Shake you to your core. Not only that, this is a team motivator. Seriously, he was on injured reserve and was chirping his own teammates for playing awful, terrible hockey. Like…the stones on this guy. You can’t find that anywhere. He’s got a career noted for big goals in the playoffs, and could be yours. AND you get the distinction of proving everybody wrong when they say his contract is terrible. You get the last laugh.
Trade value: Him and Thomas Vanek for two 2nd round picks. It evens out.

Steve Ott – is not going anywhere.
Trade value: no.

Jason Pominville – I know what you’re thinking. This guy’s gotta be worth, easily, a pair of first round picks. But I’ve got to be honest with you here…he was waived at one point. AND he’s had an achilles tendon injury. I can’t in good conscience let you walk out that door with a bad product at a bad price. That’s how you get a reputation as a pirate in this business. He’s got a $5 million cap hit and the salary cap is shrinking next year. Not to mention, and I’m just saying…Lindy Ruff got fired after 16 seasons under this guy’s captaincy. Just saying. There are a lot of intangible cons here, is what I’m saying.
Trade value: 2nd round pick. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Kevin Porter – has traveled, let me tell you. He’s only 27 years old but you’d swear he was over 30, as he’s been to Phoenix and the San Antonio Rampage and the Lake Erie Monsters team and Colorado and Rochester and finally Buffalo. You’d be paying not only for experience, but for perseverance. You won’t find many players that can play 16 games and average over 10 minutes of ice time per game and STILL show up every night. Despite the fact that nothing he does is getting it done. THAT’s dedication.
Did I mention he’s a center? Centers be pricey, yo.
Trade value: 2nd round pick

John Scott – dude’s Goliath. Have you seen his fight videos? He’s like Clubber Lang out there. The guy’s an enormous ox who will fight everyone all the time. And how many of those are still in the league? Like four? Good luck finding one.
Trade value: 2nd round pick

Drew Stafford – he’s scored 30 goals before, did you know that!!! He’s a 30 goal scorer!!! 30 goals!!! Plus he’s got a super reasonable cap hit at only $4 million and you’d get him for two more years! Holy cow! For a 30 goal scorer, that’s unreal!!! Plus he’s nice and rested lately. This is highway robbery right here.
Trade value: 2nd round pick for a 30 goal scorer!!!

Thomas Vanek – ugh. I’m sorry. Dude’s the laziest thing on the ice, he’s constantly getting injured, he makes an insane $7.9 million on the cap. He’s really extremely super good at getting your hopes up in the beginning of the season when it doesn’t matter and staying consistent when he teammates are terrible and getting coaches fired. But then at crunch time, or in the playoffs (which are important to you, the buyer) he “magically” does stupid stuff like “separate his shoulder” or “have his hamstring stepped on by Johnny Boychuk”.
Trade value: Him and Ville Leino for two 2nd round picks. It evens out.

DEFENCE

Christian Ehrhoff – sure he’s fine now, but you want to eat that contract for 8 more seasons? Have fun with him missing the net. We’ll just draft another one, since we have a million of him waiting in the AHL anyways.
Trade value: 1st round pick but when you consider the Sabres gave up a 4th round pick to acquire his rights it events out to a 2nd round pick again

Jordan Leopold – grizzled veteran, has been to the Cup finals, just scored a goal. The dude’s red hot. He’s on fire. He’s logged top line minutes before and will bring the music to the locker room.
Trade value: 2nd round pick

Nailed it. Well, a “conditional 5th”. Don’t confuse sell price for worth, guys.

Tyler Myers – Calder. Trophy. Winner. And you get like 15 years of the same* product.
Trade value: 2nd round pick

Mark Pysyk – nobody knows how to pronounce his name correctly anyway. Might as well move him before it gets awkward.
Trade value: 2nd round pycsyk

Robyn Regehr – owner of the best team photo.
Also, it’s Robyn Regehr! You know, that guy from the Flames that you’ve heard about. He hits some guys, or at least he used to. Sidney Crosby said he was the hardest guy to play against, like four or five years ago. If you play EA Sports’ NHL 09 he has a really, really good rating. So it’s…kinda more of that. Like how cars settle in to their engines with age.
Trade value: oh, easily a 2nd round pick

Andrej Sekera – good news is he plays above his contract level, he’s like a forward back there, and he has a long term deal. Bad news is everybody inexplicably hates the living shit out of him. I mean the fans just froth at the mouth hate this guy.
Trade value: a 3rd round pick this year and a 4th round pick the next year, which equates to a 2nd round pick

Alex Sulzer – on one hand, he’s on IR, so we can’t trade him. But if we could, he’s got an extremely low cap hit at $750k, he has scored 75% as many goals as Drew Stafford, and he’s got red hair. You know who else was a red headed defender? Brian Campbell. Phil Housley. See where we’re going with this?
Trade value: 2nd round pick

Mike Weber – hits and fights. Seriously, what else do you want a third pairing defender to do? He does both of those things very well. And often. So often, you’ll swear he doesn’t even care about the stupid puck.
Trade value: 2nd round pick

GOALTENDERS

Jhonas Enroth – is young, has an extremely low cap hit this season, is extremely mobile and flexible, is always positive and ready to put in the effort, and is gonna grow into those adorable pads one of the days.
Trade value: 2nd round pick

Ryan Miller – I don’t know, everybody’s saying we need to deal him. So I guess we need to deal him. You wanna deal with him? Seriously. Do you please want a $6 million anchor around your neck that can’t move out past the blue line, lets in a soft goal twice or three times every game, can’t close out a playoff series to save his life, and will forever be known as the guy that almost gets it done? Yaaaaaayyyy, silver medal. Please take this albatross.
Trade value: Considering we’re not moving him to Detroit, since they’re in our division next year, he’s going to whine and pout about wherever we move him. LA doesn’t need a goalie, nor does Anaheim, so the only California team for this prima dona is San Jose. So who are they gonna give us? Ryan Clowe? Gee, thanks. Why don’t you just put a 2nd round pick in a gun and shoot it right in our lung while you’re at it. Skip the charade. Any players we get in return are going to be your chaff, and any that aren’t are just going to be dealt for farther and farther diminishing returns until nobody cares. Just give us the 2nd round pick and let us move on with our lives here.

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