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As The World Locks Out – An Account Of How The Sabres Are Spending The Lockout

10/06/12
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Since they definitely won’t be playing hockey, it’s out into the working world for the Sabres!  This is how it will go.

Nathan Gerbe and Tyler Ennis are wallowing in depression for a few months, but they’ll both find jobs around Christmas time.  Ever see an elf do a bong hit out of a shoe?  You’re about to.

He’s a down on his lucky goalie with the hopes and dreams of an entire team on his back.  She’s an actress with two of my hopes and dreams on her front.  Together they’re…The Goalie and DeWulf.

Drew Stafford and the world’s first furry-themed rock band!

Does America’s Next Top Model have a version for dudes?  Someone call Marcus Foligno’s agent.

Not content to limit his title to a hockey team, Jason Pominville is buying a boat.  No word on whether or not it will completely emasculate and embarrass the Ovechkin boat, but probably.

I’m getting word that Cody Hodgson has chained himself to the radiator at home.  Guess he missed it.

We actually have some footage left over for Patrick Kaleta from the last lockout.

I honestly don’t know enough about Steve Ott to talk about his offseason habits, so my only guess is ‘not being Derek Roy,’ which automatically wins this list.

John Scott is folding Milan Lucic into a small black and yellow cube and tossing him into a pile of old Buicks.  Or, you know, his day job.

Jhonas Enroth has actually been pretty actively on Twitter throughout this whole mess.  Show of hands, who had ‘Jhonas Enroth’ in the best Sabre on Twitter Pool?  Anyone?

I’ve heard that Andrej Sekera is shooting Slovakian History X.  It’s terrifying.

Jakub is still in the First Niagara Center weight room.  Everyone is afraid to ask him to leave.

Jordan Leopold is, I don’t know, mourning the blank spot where his ‘Best Sabres Defenseman 2012-2013′ won’t sit.

I’ve heard that Robyn Regehr has started filming for the gritty reboot of Dumbo.  Spoiler alert: the movie is five minutes long and everyone dies except for Robyn Regehr.

No word if Ville Leino is filming the gritty reboot of sucking at hockey.  Or Scott Gomez II; Gomez Goes Upstate.

Christian Ehrhoff is the new judge on Germany’s got talent.  You don’t hassle the Hoff….any Hoff.

Matt Ellis is actually forming his own hockey league, or the MEHL.  Required skills are hustle, and a complete lack of any other definable talent.  I think I’m qualified for that.

I just learned that Cody McCormick was a point per game player in juniors.  What is this, I don’t even…

Anyone else think Corey Tropp would look good doing Blue Steel?  WHAT IS THIS?!  A LOCKOUT FOR ANTS?!

Thomas Vanek + free time + wife =

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