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Vulgar Statistics: The Worst Post Lockout-Contracts Poll – Round 1, Part 2

08/02/12

In the absence of any hockey-related fun going on, and in the wake of a tortuously slow free agency season, I have decided to compile a bracket of what I deemed to be the worst post-lockout contracts. Because there’s little more entertain than making fun of crappy hockey players…and you get to vote too!

A few caveats before I get to the bracket (arbitrarily organized by me of course!) and the first set of matchups. I kept the statistical basis simple. I tend to stay away from advanced stats because they cater to a very specific niche of mathematically inclined hockey fans and I want our reach to be broader than that. Thus my list was generated based on two observations: “they paid who, what?!” and “holy crap this guy signed a huge deal then tanked.” This also led me to focus on the larger deals? Are Cody McCormick’s and Paul Gaustad’s deals drastic overpayments? Yes. Do they belong on a list with players making five times as much? No.

So without further adieu, the bracket (which I will link to due to its size) and the first set of match-ups. Feel free to vote in the comments, on Twitter, or by yelling as you drive by my house. Voting will be open for approximately three days, at which point we will move on to the next matchup.

Round 1:

5). Jay Bouwmeester

VS.

12). Eric Staal

The Case for Bouwmeester: Before the 09-10 season, Bouwmeester was one of the most sought after free agents.  Then Calgary signed him and he disappeared faster than Ryan Getzlaf’s hairline.  Is it Bouwmeester’s fault, is it Calgary’s fault…or is it Jay Feaster’s fault for ensuring Bouwmeester will count for $6.68M against the cap until 14-15?

The Case for Staal: A classic case of ‘you’re paying him how much?’  Eric Staal is a great player.  Eric Staal also counts for $8.25M against the cap, and will until 16-17.  His contract, signed in 09-10, was likely a ‘hey thanks for that cup thing,’ signing, and with the cap going up it will look progressively better with time…but OVER EIGHT MILLION FOR ERIC STAAL!

My Vote: This is a tough one.  On one hand, Bouwmeester’s production has been okay on a team that is terrible and he didn’t drop significantly after signing his contract (-.098 ppg).  On the other hand…eight freaking million dollars for Eric Staal.  Jesus Christ.  The Tropical Storms are stupid so I vote Staal.  What has Carolina done since 09-10 in a god awful division?  Exactly.  Money well spent.

4). Dany Heatley

VS.

13). Mike Cammalleri

The Case for Heatley: If you follow Justin Bourne on Twitter, you’d know about Heatley’s legendarily doughy physique and bad work ethic.  Couple that with a post-lockout era of hockey that was already gone when San Jose gave him $7.5M in 08-09, this one should have been seen from a mile away.  Heatley has been an utter disaster out west, losing a whopping .277 points per game (the most on this list (yes, worse than Scott Gomez)) after girlfriend got paid.

The Case for Mike Cammalleri: Six million a year for a guy that most people would probably hit somewhere around 80th when listing the best players in the league.  Cammalleri is actually a decent player that has been on some bad teams, but the fact that he costs that much is damning.

My Vote: I’m riding Heatley all the way to the championship.

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